Pirates v Ninjas

The Little Ducks used some Christmas money from Uncle Ginger One to buy themselves the Pirates of the Caribbean PS2 game. It's a 2 person game. Someone is Captain Jack and the other person is Will or Elizabeth depending on the level. You have to work together, and stay close on screen. I'm becoming quite adept with a sword in the Fighty Fighty bits as Tiddler calls them.

It's a little disconcerting playing with Tiddler, though. We're busy blowing up walls and killing soldiers - he's Jack, I'm Will, but Tiddler insists on calling me Mummy instead of Will throughout. 'Come on mummy, this way'. 'Kill that bad guy, mummy'. Not exactly the script Johnny and Orlando were used to.

I have to say being a Pirate is very appealing and I'm thinking of switching sides on Pirates v Ninja on Facebook. I'm currently a Ninja trainee. Globally it's about even with 2 million on each side and similar battle results. There's no clear winner as yet.

Anyway I came across a debate using the tried and tested measure of google results on specific search terms. Here's what they found:

"killed by ninja" 18,900 results
"killed by pirates" 935
"killed by a ninja" 12,000
"killed by a pirate" 12,100
"killed by a raptor" 2,610*
"robbed by pirates" 1,950
"robbed by ninja" 3
"plundered by pirates" 3,300
"plundered by ninja" 0
"stolen by pirates" 643
"stolen by ninja" 9

Groups of ninja are much more dangerous than groups of pirates, a lone pirate is equally as dangerous as a lone ninja, both are more dangerous than a raptor*, but pirates do a lot more plundering, stealing and robbing.

Still too close to call. Your thoughts please, while I try to decide.

* threw that in for our little paleontologist, JP


Keeganwatch Week 2

Matches Won - 0
Goals scored - 0
Skybet odds - 7/1

So. 3-0 to the Arsenal and pipped by Spurs for Jonathan Woodgate. Turned down by Shearer, his hopes for the week rest on Joey Barton returning tonight. Ever the Pollyanna optimist, Keegan tells the BBC 'I think we'll see a new Joey Barton at the end of this'. Yes Kevin, the one in the suit with the arrows on.

Level Playing Field*

'Will I be able to play a real match when I'm 18?' asks Tiddler, while I wrestle with his shinnies before football training.

'You'll be able to play a real match when you're 7' - I am happy to explain. 'Instead of just training with your team, you'll be playing matches against other teams!'

'Can we play against Man. United?'

'I don't think it would be very fair. Ronnie and Rooney against 7-year olds.'

'Oh right.' - There is a pause as he thinks. Then asks

'What about Blackburn Rovers then?'


*This isn't turning into a football blog. I promise. It's just how the cards are dealt at the moment.

Rejected and Dejected

I am rejected.

Useless, old, unwanted.

I am the recipient of a Dear John, or in my case Dear Duck.

My blood count - whilst normal, is not good enough for platelet doning and I am doomed to the ranks of common blood doning for ever.

Excuse me while I go out and get roaring drunk.


I am dejected.

On top of this, after feeling supremely good for cracking 5 miles on the running front, I was brought down to earth with a bump in the Local Pub.

After informing a fellow drinker (Let's call him Banker, as my mother reads this) that the 5 miles was taking me just under an hour, when he enquired, he helpfully pointed out that we walk at 4 miles an hour, so this wasn't much to write home about.

Excuse me while I go out and get roaring drunk.


BTW I have been accepted for the Great Manchester Run in May - 10 kilometres round the city, including the Theatre of Dreams at Old Trafford. I have decided to run for Cancer Relief in memory of my Uncle who died in the Autumn. I will be aiming for an hour, so I spent the weekend trying to run faster (just couldn't let it lie). I managed to knock 7 minutes off the 5 miles yesterday!

So, excuse me while I go out and get roaring drunk!



Keeganwatch Week 1

Newcastle 0 Bolton 0

It was only 3 days into the job for the SB, so we think he can get away with a 0-0 in his first game. There are small signs of discontent, with some fans leaving early from St James Park and choruses of Cheer Up Kevin Keegan could be clearly heard at Reading on Saturday. 62 days till Easter and counting.

Love It

In the immortal words of Rhys Ifans, on encountering Julia Roberts in the bath, in Notting Hill -

'Thank you, God.'

I have been struggling for blog inspiration since Christmas, coupled with the return of Insomnia.

Even the fantastic performance on Saturday, Ronnie's first hat trick and numerous choruses of Cheer Up Alan Shearer couldn't bring me to the keyboard.

But nothing on earth could prevent me whooping for joy and rubbing my hands with glee at the news that Serial Bottler Kevin Keegan is returning to St James' Park. What a pity we're not playing them this week.

The odds on him quitting before the end of the season are 7/1, so I'm off to Sky Bet with a roll of tenners. I might see what they'll offer me on him not lasting until Easter.

Feel free to enjoy the famous rant about Fergie, while I'm gone.

Happy New Year

This year, as last, I have mostly been having 10 pints of Guinness

on my nails.



And also putting my foot in it. Again.

My niece turned 18 last weekend, so I took the Little Ducks over to Wales to take her present and to give her some money for Guinness. (Never too early to start on the black stuff in my opinion. Nor in hers, as she is already partial.)

She works in a local pub behind the bar, so we went along for lunch. After we'd eaten, I got chatting to the landlord, her boss, standing at the bar, who mentioned that his parents had been over from Liverpool for Christmas.

'Did you count the silver after they left?' I enquired - A perfectly reasonable Manc to Scouse response or so I thought. And after all, he did invite the punchline with that opening.

Exit Duck, pursued by a stony silence, but thankfully not by an angry niece clutching a P45.