Ritual

Assemble essential kit:- season ticket, flask of milky coffee to share with Fellow Fan who will bring brandy, blackcurrant Lockets, money for chips and gravy, phone, keys, #1 hat, gloves.

Stow kit in Coat with Pockets of Magical Proportions.

Choose shirt.

Go.

Drive the same route, traffic permitting and park in the same spot. Far enough away to avoid the post match gridlock and the huge parking fees. Also far enough away for vandals to smash car windows without the police noticing - but hopefully not my turn this week.

Chips and gravy from the same van - and exactly enough time to eat them before arriving at turnstile N41.

Watch MUTV in the concourse until the music starts - Do do do, do do do-do. Iggy Pop - Lust for Life. This is my cue to enter the arena and mount the stairs to my seat - my very own piece of Old Trafford. When United are playing, no-one may sit there but me, for as long as I live, or at least as long as I can climb the stairs unaided.

Shake hands with Fellow Fans in their seats, their very own pieces of Old Trafford, where no-one may sit but them, for as long as they live.

Look for my singing partner 2 rows back. Prepare to sing on behalf of the whole block.

Wait.

76,000 become 1. Heart rate up - senses heightened - skin tingling - united.

Or maybe it's just me?